Today I am feeling optimistic despite this horrible weather and sad atmosphere! I have been moping around the house recently I will admit and it never helps! Right now I am listening to a beautiful song that I heard many years ago which has inspired me and helped me up when I was down “What have you done today to make you feel proud” by Heather Small. It is a great song and expresses exactly how I feel and how I look at life. But this is something everyone should be thinking about. Everyone has potential- that is potential to do good or do bad, the potential to work hard or be lazy. All you have to do is try and okay you may not always get what you want, you may get rejected but some of the best people in life always try. Everyone fails at something and that is how you build yourself up. I am trying to find a job right now and it is tough and I have not been having any luck but it doesn’t matter. I will continue trying till I succeed. I will continue because I know I can do well. I believe in myself.

I have a friend and she knows exactly what she wants to do in life. She wants to be a doctor and I kind of envy her because she knows what she wants and she found her dream career whereas I have no idea what I want to have a career in. However she keeps seeing things blocking her path. I suggest ideas and she keeps putting them down and to be honest she is not being realistic because okay I understand there are difficulties getting into medicine, but it all depends on how bad you want it and what kind of person you are. She is extremely smart and I know she can do well- she can get a First Class Honours Degree, she can draw, make things and is very smart but she is also very pessimistic and foolish in some ways. I am not that intelligent I am smart in other ways but I do try and put all my effort into things. Something inside so strong I know that I can make it. I wanted a First Class Degree but I got a 2:1 and that is still good! I am extremely happy and proud of myself even though I didn’t reach the First I tried and worked my hardest. I wanted a life social life and other experiences and sometimes things take sacrifice. My friend keep saying that it costs a lot of money and she doesn’t know if she can afford living out even if she goes to Scotland where university is free. She doesn’t know if she is entitled to this free education because she comes from the UK. But these things require research and right now she is just shooting them down and making excuses based on things she has no idea about. Education could very well be free for her too and she may never know or realise because she didn’t bother to look just because it might not be. I am tired of the excuses and call me an optimist, a fool or an unrealistic person living in la la land- I don’t care what you call me. I don’t care what you say because at least I have faith and I believe. Question is do you believe in you? I sure hope you do because it is very important. I have faith in people even those who are bad because you can turn your life around.

I want people to know that yes life is hard and sometimes thing don’t always go your way but you can achieve and do your best. All you can do is hope and if it doesn’t work out at least you tried. No regrets right? You tried so what’s to regret! Keep trying till you die. Don’t ever give up on life and I know it can be easy sometimes to just throw in the towel but its not worth it. There is so much out there you can achieve. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel- you just have to be strong and wait. There is sometimes even a helping hand. Trying is the key! ­čÖé Everyone has a choice and it is never too late to start making those choices, paths, decisions. Believe in the strength and most importantly in you! I hope you achieve all the things you want!

So if you have failed at something or you got a bad mark or you were rejected in love, relationships/freidnships- then my advice to you is pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try again! Have faith in you and your abilities and even if you feel like you don’t have any talents think about yourself and what you’re good at. Nothing is impossible because even the word impossible has possible in it!

Love the ever hopeful optimist (I have been told I live in la la land= oh well at least I like the bright side of life)

What have you done today to make you feel proud?

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Fiction or Reality? I choose getting lost in fiction any day!

So I have recently been reading and thinking. Writers usually write to allow their readers a form of escapism but also it allows them to escape in their own fantasy world. Most plots derive from our fantasies or so it seems, but some things are also mostly based on our experiences, because how can you write about something without having some kind of knowledge of it. This doesn’t necessarily have to be knowledge from the experiences one has had, but it can derive from the experiences of others- though you only see one side of their experience. Not only do you not experience the emotions of pain or happiness that they felt since you cannot feel it thus you cannot truly comprehend it. You could imagine it, but never grasp its reality. But you also only receive their side of the feelings- their words so stories end up twisted from the original truth (or original event that happened). For example if my friend broke up with a guy, I would be hearing her side of the story. How she interprets the situation may be different to how he interprets it. I would not understand how she felt because how can I if I’ve not had the similar experience of breaking up with a guy who I really loved or liked. I could imagine how it would feel, but that would be no good because I didn’t feel the raw emotions of what it is to love in that way, to feel pain or hurt in that specific way. All I would feel is pity for my friend trying to comprehend the way she feels, trying to reassure and comfort her, while secretly thinking and making the mental note never to make the same mistakes that she did. Never to fall in love so that I don’t give anyone the power to hurt me like. But that’s the problem with learning from other people’s mistakes and not learning from your own. You become too cautious to even make mistakes of your own because you are too afraid to do the wrong thing, to be caught in the hole in the ground everyone keeps digging for themselves. There is always someone who tries to lend a hand to a person stuck in that hole, but its up to you to choose whether you need help or even want the help offered or whether you drown in your unhappiness.

Anyway I have digressed, people teach you things whether you realise it or not we are all influenced by our family, friends and random strangers! Despite sometimes not wanting to be, you are. This has somehow drifted into a completely different topic that I no longer know how I got here! I can honestly say I am lost in a rabbit hole but in a different kind- not due to a relationship but coming to terms with what do I do with my life? Where do I go from here now that I have finished my studies? Who can help me? I can only help myself- I have to try, but what I always find that I do- no matter where I run to, where I go what I do- I always seem to try to escape to a different reality. To a fantasy world, to a place of fiction anywhere from the truth. But authors do that too- they try to recreate their own fantasies in their writings, they try to realise the dreams they never fulfilled through their characters giving them the happy ending they never got. Well I wouldn’t say never- just a different happy ending in life. While a book ends mostly happily ever after where the main character wins by defeating the baddie- war between good over evil conquers all. Well this is not the case in life, because there are no happy endings in life. There is no such thing as the prince saving the princess and living happily ever after. What does that even mean anyway? It’s time to grow up and learn that life’s not like a fairytale. Its been said many times but it really is true so why do people continue to read and watch these fairytales wishing they were true. In real life, that does not happen- after happily ever after aka getting married more problems and obstacles arise i.e maintaining a job, growing old, having children etc. Everyone still battles with their demons- but life goes on- no happy end except death. But then is that the ultimate end? So many debates surrounding that topic I won’t get into that now.

Society too has an impact on everything- on our lives, music, movies, books, media etc. The media seem to control what we desire and what we want trying to portray lifestyles we must attain. We try to attain perfection- perfect life, perfect body, the happy ending. But this is all poisonous if it only succeeds in hindering us, by shying away from our bodies, being ashamed. Look at the books that are on our shelves, being sold- they represent the times in which we live in and unfortunately they are all filled with crap! The desire for the┬ásuperficial┬árich and famous┬álifestyle- The good girl getting with the rich rockstar living the dream! What is the dream? What is the life? Everyone is different so surely not everyone wants to be rich and famous. Books nowadays seem to have weak characters especially portraying women as weak, dependent and annoyingly stupid! Look at Twilight- Bella can’t even do anything because she’s so clumsy so Edward must be there all the time to “protect her”. The last thing the world needs is another young woman depicted as a “heroine” when she clearly isn’t! If you want something interesting to read, read the Hunger Games! Mind you it reminds me a little of Battle Royale! Anyone agree? It’s a pretty famous Japanese film! I would look it up if you enjoyed Hunger Games, though it is a lot darker.

Anyway there must lie some truth in a book- yes in the sense they are based on some kind of experience. The characteristics of the protagonist resemble some person or other. The main character normally resembles a person who the author wishes to be- who the author and sometimes reader wish to have the same strong characteristics that make the character strong and likeable who will fight for justice. No one likes a weak character, likewise in this cruel world no one likes a weak person. I wish I could say that I have learnt a lot from my experiences but sometimes it takes something twice as bad to hit you round the head for you to take notice and by then it may be too late. But then hopefully there is never such a thing as being too late. Better to have tried later than never.

I need a manual for guys. Simple answer: He’s just not that into you.

There should be a book on how to figure out boys- except it’s rather difficult and I am sure it would be a very big book. Most guys would say they need a manual for girls- but we are pretty easy to figure out and if you just listened you would know. But if you ask a guy about their complexity, most of my guys friends would reply back saying this standard answer: “oh us guys are simple creatures! We live very simple lives” Yes off course you do…so that’s not true at all. They may not need a lot to please them, but they do tend to do a lot of stupid things! Beware guys- perhaps you should take some lessons from girls people we are always watching YOU! Girls are always analysing. It’s a very common thing to do among girls, but maybe we do it a little bit too much sometimes which can lead to obsession. That never ends well!

Anyway I recently met up with a guy I met coincidentally at my union though he was not a student nor part of my university. He was a guy who had just had a job interview and was just sitting in a room waiting for the time to pass so that he could catch his train. I happened to stumble along the empty room with only himself there and decided to sit and write some stuff, but then we got chatting. Exchanged details and next thing you know four months later we meet up. Except this time he is very very nervous and apparently useless with all technology. Now it may be because he is 25 and pretty useless with remembering to text/email/facebook, (so many different social mediums there is no escape and no EXCUSE for not being able to contact the other person! I am not going to make excuses for anyone and I am not going to sit here and think about all the possible excuses on his behalf- waste of my time if you ask me. He arrives 25 minutes late and fails to text me to let me know. I am not impressed. Like I said no excuse for that unless someone died. I like it when someone can be straight with me. Most guys are very mysterious or at least try to be because they think it will make them more interesting. Well here’s a tip it WON’T! It just gets too damn annoying after a while and it is difficult to know what someone thinks about you unless you can read minds. If only I had that gift- mind you I could see how it would be a curse rather than a gift. Especially if they were not thinking pretty thoughts. Anyway guys seem to be hot or cold- they have no idea what they want- well most of them don’t and they seem to be pretty useless. But you can’t seem to live without them! I think I would go insane if I lived on a planet with girls only- we would eventually all kill each other! Point is I am not a mind reader and no I do not think you keeping me waiting will cut it. I also do not think you not being able to text back considering the various modes of interactions we have nowadays excuses you from not being able to contact me. So I give up, if you want to be elusive- your call and your loss of a friend!

All I know is that it would be helpful if guys could be straight and just tell me what they think without cowering behind a door. Now this guy offered me help with my CV etc. and asked to meet up again the next week, but when I emailed him about looking over my CV he did not reply to my email or my text and it’s been two weeks. I may look like I am stressing over this, but I am not. I am just simply perplexed as to what guys mean by certain things. Why say something you don’t mean? Why say you will help me, when you have no intention of helping me! It’s just stupid and raises peoples hopes unnecessarily! It’s like one of my friends, her ex told her that she was the first person he said the L word to and actually meant it, but he’d said it to other girlfriends before but never meant it. How do you know he’s actually telling the truth? Well when he turns round and says “when I said that I didn’t mean it!” Reaction: WHAT?? Why say it in the first place?!?! What does that even mean? It just doesn’t make sense to say things and then not follow through with it. But then again I like to follow the logical and some people are illogical.

Anyway just wanted to stress the point that has been argued many times before even in song (Katy Perry “Hot and Cold”). It is true guys are hot and then cold. It’s like they do something and then think. Well next time think before you act because there’s more than one person involved. This applies to friends just as much as to relationships. But you know you could learn a lot from books, films and even music. There is quite a lot of truth there about the actions of others though sometimes over-dramatized. For now all you have to do is watch ‘He’s Just Not Into You’ (2009 movie) and you could gain some interesting insights about people in general! It’s funny actually because one scene near the beginning where the female main character goes on a date with this guy for happy hour in a club and after exchanging numbers he says “See you soon, I’ll call you” before leaving. She smiles and says “ok great”, but then as he walks away she stops him and says “Wait you gave me your number so do I call you or will you call me?” He looks at her confused and rather panicked at this point and distractedly says yes I’ll call you bye as he quickly runs away! It’s the same thing when he said see you soon, it doesn’t actually mean he’ll see her soon! It’s just an expression!

Every person is different so I guess there won’t be a universal helpful manual since they’ll all just contradict each other which will just be too confusing and not even worth the effort! Guess we will just have to accept that men are from mars and women are from venus! ­čśë