Today I am feeling optimistic despite this horrible weather and sad atmosphere! I have been moping around the house recently I will admit and it never helps! Right now I am listening to a beautiful song that I heard many years ago which has inspired me and helped me up when I was down “What have you done today to make you feel proud” by Heather Small. It is a great song and expresses exactly how I feel and how I look at life. But this is something everyone should be thinking about. Everyone has potential- that is potential to do good or do bad, the potential to work hard or be lazy. All you have to do is try and okay you may not always get what you want, you may get rejected but some of the best people in life always try. Everyone fails at something and that is how you build yourself up. I am trying to find a job right now and it is tough and I have not been having any luck but it doesn’t matter. I will continue trying till I succeed. I will continue because I know I can do well. I believe in myself.
I have a friend and she knows exactly what she wants to do in life. She wants to be a doctor and I kind of envy her because she knows what she wants and she found her dream career whereas I have no idea what I want to have a career in. However she keeps seeing things blocking her path. I suggest ideas and she keeps putting them down and to be honest she is not being realistic because okay I understand there are difficulties getting into medicine, but it all depends on how bad you want it and what kind of person you are. She is extremely smart and I know she can do well- she can get a First Class Honours Degree, she can draw, make things and is very smart but she is also very pessimistic and foolish in some ways. I am not that intelligent I am smart in other ways but I do try and put all my effort into things. Something inside so strong I know that I can make it. I wanted a First Class Degree but I got a 2:1 and that is still good! I am extremely happy and proud of myself even though I didn’t reach the First I tried and worked my hardest. I wanted a life social life and other experiences and sometimes things take sacrifice. My friend keep saying that it costs a lot of money and she doesn’t know if she can afford living out even if she goes to Scotland where university is free. She doesn’t know if she is entitled to this free education because she comes from the UK. But these things require research and right now she is just shooting them down and making excuses based on things she has no idea about. Education could very well be free for her too and she may never know or realise because she didn’t bother to look just because it might not be. I am tired of the excuses and call me an optimist, a fool or an unrealistic person living in la la land- I don’t care what you call me. I don’t care what you say because at least I have faith and I believe. Question is do you believe in you? I sure hope you do because it is very important. I have faith in people even those who are bad because you can turn your life around.
I want people to know that yes life is hard and sometimes thing don’t always go your way but you can achieve and do your best. All you can do is hope and if it doesn’t work out at least you tried. No regrets right? You tried so what’s to regret! Keep trying till you die. Don’t ever give up on life and I know it can be easy sometimes to just throw in the towel but its not worth it. There is so much out there you can achieve. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel- you just have to be strong and wait. There is sometimes even a helping hand. Trying is the key! 🙂 Everyone has a choice and it is never too late to start making those choices, paths, decisions. Believe in the strength and most importantly in you! I hope you achieve all the things you want!
So if you have failed at something or you got a bad mark or you were rejected in love, relationships/freidnships- then my advice to you is pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try again! Have faith in you and your abilities and even if you feel like you don’t have any talents think about yourself and what you’re good at. Nothing is impossible because even the word impossible has possible in it!
Love the ever hopeful optimist (I have been told I live in la la land= oh well at least I like the bright side of life)
This post is about things I have been experiencing lately which seem to be hindering me. Mainly it is my past which keeps me shackled in chains desperately trying to escape the painful memories of the past few months. It doesn’t help that facebook is there to remind me of the evidence, the people and the experiences. Fear is however a massive factor in life which prevents us from doing the things we really want to do, i.e try a new experience, get a job in a completely different country, shop in a certain place due to the bad reputation or even the fear of going on a date/meeting with someone because of what may happen. In life we all face many challenges, but I mostly seem to run away from them giving excuses as to why I can’t or don’t want to do something.
The fear of failure so what’s the point in trying because without trying I can guarantee I won’t fail! But that’s a stupid way of thinking and the truth is everyone fails at something at some point in their life. I keep running away from most things in my life because I am scared. I won’t willing walk into a bad neighbourhood unless I have to because I am scared I’ll be attacked or surrounded by a gang. But this is silly because you can be attacked anywhere! I know this but I am still wary. I won’t work abroad because I will know absolutely no one and I will be completely by myself. But I have already conquered this and it did not end so well. I ended up hating the American camp experience. It is different I suppose if you are working abroad with more freedom in a different environment. I won’t find a job because I am scared I’ll be rejected. This is also silly because if you don’t try you will never know what could have been yours! I won’t go on a date because I am scared it will all go wrong. What can I say I am just a very cautious person. I don’t want to get hurt like my friends. Only a date though right so its harmless? Well I have no idea! I’ve been on 1 or 2 dates before and they’ve never really been successful because either we start a debate and I get angry at the guys answers or the guy just doesn’t call me back.
Last night I had a nightmarish dream where I was on a date with this guy I liked whom I met but hardly know. So we are not really friends as we don’t know much about each other but anyway we are at this cafe just talking and then suddenly he stands up and his accent changes- he starts to talk funny in a different accent which surprises me and then he stands up and moves to the side. I start to lose sight of him and so I lean closer round the corner to look at him and he hugs me. Instantly I feel repelled inside. I want to run because I don’t like this closeness and even though I’m attracted to him I am scared and somehow can’t seem to connect with guys any closer than friends. I wake up and I realise that I am far too scared or maybe I am not ready for this kind of thing whatever it is. But I am 21 and I’ve never had a boyfriend. I can go abroad and live alone, I can do so many other things but somehow I can’t seem to get close to people who want to have a relationship with me. Don’t get me wrong I have a lot of close friends- most of whom are girls- though a few guy friends.
I am in love with an idea (as are all girls I believe). The idea of falling in love and meeting Prince Charming. The idea of having a blissful relationship but the truth is there is no such thing as Prince Charming and I shouldn’t expect so much from the guy. I see happy couples and people getting engaged and I want that just like anyone out there. I don’t want to be alone. But somehow I hold back- guys ask me out and I say no. I just can’t seem to get over it. I AM TERRIFIED! I am just scared of what life has to offer. But I shouldn’t be and I have no idea why I am scared. This guy well he’s real and he asked to meet up again now that I am back from America. I don’t know what to do. Obviously I will meet up with him, but I am scared because I don’t know what he wants and normally I make it very clear what I am looking for. Maybe it is because I like him so much I want things to work out but at the same time I don’t know what kind of guy he is- I don’t know if he is a player, if he is looking for something serious or casual or whatever. I know what I want I think. But fear always gets in the way. I can easily jump out of a plane no worries. I can go rock climbing and all that and I can risk my life in some dangerous activity but when it comes to dating and all that I just can’t seem to commit. I just can’t seem to go further and I feel repulsed in a way to be touched by someone I hardly know. I know that one little date hardly gives them permission to touch me, but after a while if we become closer then there is reason to.
There’s just too much that time cannot erase. There is so much that holds us back (well holds me back at least). Some people may not understand because I sure don’t understand myself. But then we are complex being and no one is the same. I hope that I can discover what I want in life and I hope I can get rid of these fears because they all sound stupid! But psychology and life experiences sometimes dictate your feelings which in turn dictate the outcome. Life’s not fair. But I will try, but sometimes you just can’t help the fear.