So it has been some time writing down my thoughts but sometimes I feel like it wouldn’t be right to say what I think. Some things are just best left inside right? Lately I’ve been feeling a little blue- well when do I ever not feel blue! I seem to go through periods of happiness, sadness, reflection and boredom. I get bored very easily with my life. But some good news to share is that I finally found a job which I have been in for 2 months but it is a temporary contract so its been extended till end of May which is great. The job itself is interesting and the work is varied though I must admit I don’t really like the prospect of staring at a computer 5 days a week constantly form 9am-5:30pm! Its just boring and it makes me lazy. I want my work to be varied in the sense I want to move around, do things not just sitting down but be active too. Don’t get me wrong I am grateful for this job especially to be at a good medium sized corporate company. I get some free lunches, treats sometimes and the people are nice enough, the work is varied so what more can I ask for in a job? Well one very important thing I’ve come to realise as a priority is communication. I want more communication with people. People are fascinating and have so many stories to share. So many lives- so many experiences and most people have substance. I like talking to people – I like making friends, but somehow no one wants to talk- no one wants to share. I find it very hard to break down barriers and walls people build. Whatever happened to those lovely people you can strike up a conversation with on the train/bus? Where did all those wonderful people go? When you bump into the most unlikely people who just lift your spirits. Those who are passionate about life and try and infuse that passion within others. I met a guy in a shop once who asked me why I look so sad? I should be happy I have friends, family and life. I smiled and he lifted up my spirits. But I don’t meet those fantastic and amazing people who can touch your lives with just a few words. You never forget the people who strike up a conversation with you. They may be pushed to the back of your minds but their memory never fades- well for me at least!
Anyway as I was saying people at work hold you at a distance. No one wants to get to know you and there is that distance. When I first arrived a few came up to me and said “oh if you need anything then I sit here” but why offer something when they don’t mean it. They don’t expect you to actually come up and say hi. What happened to making people feel at home? Inclusivity! The other day half the office went to the pub but what about inviting the rest? Not even the poor guy sitting next to them was invited. You take what you get from a place and I know what I’ll certainly be taking is experience. But I certainly won’t be taking friends. People aren’t as friendly there and I think its a great learning curb for me to know and understand what’s important in a job. Maybe a corporate environment is just not for me. I want to go out after work with the office crowd to the pub! I want to get to know others who I work with. So what to do? Wait to be invited right? No I am not waiting for anyone. I already have some amazing friends. All I’ll do is continue being me and I’ll move forward with or without making new friends.
I hope I will find myself one day. I already know who I am but what I mean is that I hope I will find the right job for me- one that I will enjoy with all my heart. Here’s to the hopeful future! And here’s to all those amazing strangers who have such a positive impact on others. I hope they continue to still do that for that presence is strong indeed. They are beautiful strangers and most of their hearts are made of gold.