It’s funny a friend asked me about a year ago, why I keep wanting to run off to other countries and I think I’ve finally found the answer.
I didn’t know the answer at that time, but I know now the truth. I want to live abroad because living at home reduces me to a mere child. I don’t have the same freedoms, privacy, life I want. Not to mention living at home is like carrying a bit of shame – I’m 27 and still living at home. Will I be 30 and still at home? When will I grow up and become fully independent? You know what I loved best about living in Japan? It was having that space to myself, the freedom to do whatever I want. I love my parents very much and totally respect them, but I don’t like them sometimes. The little things build up into big things.
My mum can’t book her flight tickets without me there to confirm it. She can’t leave me alone in my own house that I grew up in without my father being home from his holiday. They both can’t let me stay here alone by myself. I’m 27 and I don’t know how I survived alone in Japan in a completely foreign country. Oh wait, I was 24 and I was completely fine. I didn’t die. I didn’t wilt. For 2 years I lived by myself just fine…..why can’t the same be said for living in a house for only 2 weeks without anyone?
Then the next thing is my mannerisms. Apparently I am picking up bad habits or mannerisms from other people of different races/nationalities and therefore I will attract a man who is not right for me. Oh wait so let me add to the list of men I can’t date according to my family. As if I am getting any interest at all, I need to become even more specific.
This leads me onto the universal question of….when are you getting a boyfriend? When are you getting married? Hmmm, not sure that’s in the cards for me. How about never? I don’t ****$&! know! I might not get married, or I might, but do you see me worrying about it? No, I am not worried because I don’t care. Maybe I don’t want children. Maybe my life is not defined by having kids, getting married and buying a house. Maybe I have other interests such as learning a new language, travelling, finding myself, doing what I enjoy.
When will the lectures end? Well they don’t when you live at home….
What time are you coming home? Who are you going with? Shall I make you dinner? As if I can’t cook. I would really like to, but I don’t get to. Wake me up when you get home after a night out. Why would I want to do that and disturb your sleep? So I know you’re home safe and sleep better. Ring the phone and we can collect you from the station at 10/11pm. But I live 3 minutes walk from the station, why do I need to do that? Just do it, it’s not safe. Why don’t men get this? Why do my brothers never get the same attention? Why do they get away with so much?
I cannot take this for much longer. So yes it’s great you save money and you can do less and I know I am so Goddamn lucky but at what cost? Is it worth it? Hmmm, no I think as you get older, it’s not worth it.