New adventures await

I have discovered some amazing news. I applied to become a Teaching Assistant abroad in Japan and I found out recently that I have been accepted and I am due to leave in August. To be honest I couldn’t believe it, such incredible news, I couldn’t believe I was actually going, that it had happened. It slowly sank in and when I started to break the news to friends, I was dismayed to learn that not all was as it seemed. My best friend was extremely happy, proud and supportive. But my other friends were shocked, sad and not as happy. This is my dream, to travel the world, to learn a new language and to live in Japan. All I am doing is leaving for a year.

“You are coming back right?” Will I be back? That is the most famous question I receive and honestly I don’t know. I might enjoy it so much I decided I want to stay. I might want to try South Korea. I might decide that there is no longer a place for me here anymore, that I might be best in another country. I get so bored easily I wonder if it would be easy to come back. I can already feel my grip of life and reality slipping as I watch my friends progress up the career ladder, as they turn corners in their life, I realise I’m not quite going down those paths. Instead I am wandering in a completely different direction and I am becoming a traveller who might just get lost. It only hit me that I am sacrificing my career for an uncertain reality, but isn’t life all about taking risks?

Through my excitement to leave, I never imagined it would happen and now it is, I am preparing. I will be okay. It will change me. I will miss my dear friends for sure, I will miss my beautiful family, but I am young and I need to take this chance. If I don’t I will regret it. Some people think I’m crazy for giving up a secure, comfortable and well paid job. Others think I am brave for doing this alone. But all I want to do is discover the world and meet different people. I want to explore and perhaps I am crazy, but who gets to be 23 again? I haven’t a boyfriend, husband, lover or long standing commitment. I only have chance and if I let fear and the comfortable get in my way, I’ll never be happy.

Everything involves a little fear, but I only wish for hope to prevail. I am trying my best to float and I am hoping I won’t drown in this new adventure. I am sure everything will be fine. I should probably stop reading thriller novels and horror stories about Japan. To be fair, they are based in Tokyo and are mostly about hostessing in their’ “red light” district.

Time flies so I know a year will pass me by. I’ve lived in America before and I know if I set my heart on something, I can and I will do it. I don’t like to upset my friends, because I know they are shocked. This isn’t something Miss Goody too shoes, quiet, reserved me would do. I don’t want to leave them, I’m not abandoning them. But I am continually trying to develop and I am trying to be a better person. So if you have a dream, I would pursue it, because you only have one life. Why not make the most of it, instead of living in fear. I don’t know what my future will be like, but I trust it will be okay and I have faith everything will work out in the end.

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Meeting new people, finding friends, and feeling lonely in a big city

Today I realised that I have very few friends who I talk to regularly who want to do the same things as me. I’m not talking about eating food, I’m talking about wanting to travel, go to concerts and just generally hang out and do things together. My best friend is living in Nottingham, and although we share many interests, books, food, films, tv shows we also differ hugely. I like to dance, cook, travel and do adventurous and dangerous activities including sky diving. I work in London and a good friend I recently made decided to move back to Sweden and friends I went on holiday with have less contact with me since our holiday. I would say that’s more to do with differences rather than anything else. It’s tricky going on holiday with people because you live with them for a number of days and if you’re like me who wants to go explore, make the most of the holiday then you certainly won’t find me lounging about the hotel, like my friends. I find it very hard to find a connection with people nowadays. I have little in common but I am unsure why that is the case. Do you know what I mean when I speak of that instant connection? It’s this really great feeling which I’ve only experienced a few times in my life where you are just completely on par with the person you’ve just met. Perhaps it is because I am too serious and think too much which portrays me as intense? Not sure but I don’t like to analyse too much. Or maybe it is because I am shy and am not making the most of the opportunities. I really don’t know. There’s a lot I want to do but I find that I end up doing most things by myself. I want to go to a gig, I end up going by myself. I want to go travelling, I end up having to plan things and find countries to go to by myself. I want to go climbing I go by myself. I want to go for yoga/pilates classes, I join up by myself. There’s nothing wrong with this and its pretty great having that independence, I mean I’ve even eaten alone in a restaurant and gone to the cinema alone. In my life I have constantly done things by myself and its getting a bit lonely now. I can’t find anyone to have fun and do things with. I’m not talking about a boyfriend, I’m talking about friends, having a good time, meeting people and doing things together. I guess you have to be like minded but I find it hard to find those like minded people. Most of my friends are happy to either go clubbing, stay at home and watch films, go to restaurants or even cocktails which don’t get me wrong is fun, but I would love to join a dance club or something and do something fun or a bit more adventurous. Perhaps I will, perhaps I should just stop waiting for people which to be honest I have given up on people. I really need to get a grip on life, I have so many dreams that involve travelling the world, learning different languages and just being content, but it is difficult to be content in this life. We are constantly striving for more.

I haven’t the faintest idea where to start. I don’t know where to go and who to turn to because there is no one out there only the big wide world web. There’s so many options but I don’t know if there is a small intimate friendly class for dancing or painting. I don’t know how good it is. It’s all a risk but its something I wonder about. I am at the edge of the precipice just waiting to jump but unsure how to proceed, whether there will be someone at the bottom to catch me. Waiting and wondering but I can’t keep doing this, I can’t keep living my life like this wondering how things could be. I look at my own dear brother and how he manages to find and make some of the loveliest and great friends who want to spend time with him and do things together, to try things and who trust his judgement. We are different people and he is very witty, funny and laid back. I am more serious, deep in thought, like debating, laughing but I get stressed and worried easily. We are very different but similar as we both enjoy travelling and finding new adventures. You can see how we would attract different people, normally like minded people. He attracts jovial fun happy people and I attract serious, sometimes sad but mostly strong willed and principled individuals. Don’t get me wrong I am grateful for my lovely friends for they are lovely in a different way. They are very caring and kind but I just want more and perhaps this is my problem; I expect too much from people and I always have. But I need more friends who will do things with me and who will trust my judgement and is open to trying things. Sometimes things will not work out the way you want and some things I choose may be crap but its a risk I’m willing to make, but I can’t keep hanging on to friends who are poor and aren’t prepared to take that risk because of the outcome may result in regret. Life is an experience and I don’t know everything if that person will enjoy it or not but it is something we can do together or as a group! This is life and nothing is ever free but if you want to have fun you do need money sometimes. Not a lot, but some. I wanted to go to Imagine Dragon’s gig but when I asked all my friends they were either working, too tired or too poor to go. When I wanted to see Evanescence no one wanted to go so I had to drag my poor brother to come with me. It was one of the best nights of my life and some friends after said how they love Evanescence and their music but when I asked if they wanted to go, there was silence.

It’s so easy to say go out and meet people, but where can I meet them in such a big city like London? There’s a lot of people but they are in their own zones, are quite cold and look at you if you’re strange if you start talking to them. No literally they will turn and look to see if you’re talking to the person behind them. I need to join a club or class but where? Thousands of people swarm across London and I can’t seem to make friends. It’s crazy! Introverted I may be but ambitious and a dreamer I always will be. If you stop and talk you will get to know someone better, but it’s not hard. Actually it is quite hard because firstly you need the courage to start that conversation. We pick and choose our friends. We pick and choose people we want to talk to and we put them into different levels. Friend level, acquaintance level, “not going to chat to person” level because person looks boring, can’t be bothered level, too intense level, etc. But the level you categorise someone may not always be correct and you may be missing out on a chance of friendship.

Anyway my point is finding people to connect with is difficult. Finding activities in London is also quite tough! Maybe I’m just not looking hard enough but I will try! Hopefully I’ll find some things….no I’m sure I will!