When did I sell my soul?

There comes a point in life where you may have to sign the rights to your life away. It doesn’t happen to everyone, but if you decide to go skydiving that’s exactly what you have to do. It’s what I had to do when I went two years ago now. Any dangerous or adventurous sport may require that of you. If you’re future lays in the hands of a surgeon, signing the consent form 6 years ago overriding the consent of your parents is another option you may find yourself in. The option to leave your life completely in the hands of another, to completely sacrifice all control over your life for a limited amount of time. It could be argued people do that all the time, i.e when a person gets drunk, trusting in the stranger not to take them down the road to danger but ensure they follow safety, trusting a person not to break the confidentiality agreement. But at what point are you actually selling your soul? You see there’s a difference in trusting someone with your life and someone persuading you to let them take advantage of your life. There is the blindsided view and the secret trap where the ‘devil’ won’t let you go easily once succumbed.

I have a Facebook account but now I know I can never escape. Is it the corporations controlling me or just my own self? Who is enslaved here? Who gets my photos with unlimited access to do as they please with them? Once you join, it becomes addictive like a drug which you need to survive, when in reality you need no such thing. It doesn’t benefit or help in any way except to stay in contact with family and friends – that is if you actually do that. How many times I’ve deactivated my account, had a few months away, felt all the more better for it, happier, free. But every time I keep coming back because I know deep down I can’t give it up. Like taking a respite from prison, from torturing myself with the images of others living,Why do I self-inflict myself with this pain, knowing it’s bad for me but not leaving the abusive relationship. Why do I look and compare and feel envious of the lives others are living? I don’t do that anymore because I couldn’t care what others are up to, but it is what I used to do. I used to see happy images, fun adventures, people with smiles plastered on their faces. Until you discover the truth, that images can be deceptive and don’t always tell the full story. Like the pain behind the smile masquerading the unhappiness within. Photos of “fun times” when in reality it was a living hell. It was all for show, to show others you were strong, you were having fun and you are fun, free and happy. In truth, you were disappointed, sad and breaking.

Why do I keep the account? What are my excuses now? So many memories, to keep in contact with family and friends. But how many people do I actually speak to on there? 2 or 3 friends every few days or so and once in a blue moon 2 or 3 others out of how many? 300 friends, well are they really friends? What do they want from you? To watch your life unfold on Facebook, to see what you’re up to. What if I don’t want you to know what I’m doing. What if I don’t like anyone knowing my business and I simply want to share the photos with real friends! Then Facebook is obviously not the best place to be. If I want to contact someone I’ll call, text or even email. So what’s stopping me? And now I am on the cusp of joining a new social media site; twitter. Do I need another burden on my life? Another load to add to my heavy load of baggage and create an even bigger online presence. Do I want random people I barely know following me, wanting to know my thoughts. No I don’t, but perhaps I shouldn’t have a blog then, but in my defence it’s a personal one. I don’t advertise it, I just write when I need to vent, when I am frustrated or happy with the world, though it mainly is the former.

Truth be told, I hate this online presence, I hate this social media and keeping up with it. It’s tiring and keeping the online facade is tiring and useless. Its not the real me. Embellishing and creating the perfect version me is a burden and it is not real. This self-perpetuating and fragmentation of the self is soul destroying because I don’t know who I am anymore. I end up losing bits of myself which are scattered across the internet and I’m finding that I have to pick up the pieces. The imitation never matches up to the reality. The only reason I am considering joining twitter is for the benefit of my work. Learning to use it properly so that I can improve using it at work, develop and find out how I can entice followers and keep them interested. But I suppose there are some benefits like it’s a great place to advertise jobs, to find jobs, to find out the latest travel news, to find out about events happening in your local area etc. so many benefits and yet it is different from Facebook. But how do I know I’m not selling my soul? When Twitter first emerged I swore I would never join. It was about the principle, and it seemed useless at the time, there was no need because I was studying, I didn’t want followers, I didn’t want to write what I was thinking all the time and advertise it to the world and even if I did, I had Facebook for that.  People don’t care. But things have changed and priorities have changed. Social media has expanded and become imperative for businesses, to promote, advertise and raise the profile of a business. It has changed the future and now I can see no escape. Sooner or later I will be joining and I will have no choice, because how can I stay stubbornly stuck in the past wishing for the traditional while everyone flies at an alarmingly fast rate zooming into the future at full speed ahead. I am fighting a losing battle, and who do I deny? Only myself, I hinder myself by not catching up and getting up to speed with the technology. Its so easy to leave people behind, to lose people, but that is what the future holds. It has no time for those who are slow, tired or stubborn, because time stops for no one just like the world stops for no one. The only way to go is forward or be left behind and everyone has to make the choice. Well I think the choice is already made, because being left behind is not a choice and we all have to fight for our place in the future. Those who don’t will fall behind the times, and those who do will excel. I am being harsh, but it is the truth, because that is exactly how it is moving.

So the question is at which point in my life did I sell my soul? Was it when I signed up for Facebook which started the famous trend or will it be when I sign up to Twitter?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s