Sometimes you come to a crossroads in life….

So I am back again to try and understand my life more. Writing helps me think more clearly and set things out. People say that life is complicated and indeed it is, though sometimes it is very simple. Sometimes it is boring and dull. But it goes through periods! Today I met with a crossroads and an expected an important decision must be made. But I cannot as usual seem to make one that I am completely satisfied with. In life you try to make the best and right decision that you think is right at the time. But I don’t want to risk my chances, likewise no one wants to! Everyone wants to make the right decisions. A doctor has to work under pressure and decide all the time. A submarine officer also has to make a decision based on little evidence in a limited amount of time. How do they do it? Well they do it to the best of their abilities. People could very easily make decisions quickly by putting them under high pressure and forcing them to choose, but most people do not like it since it gives them a limited time to rationalise.

Right now though I have come to a crossroads where I too have to make a decision, but luckily I have more time to decide. Some people say that one must follow their gut or heart but my heart doesn’t like to speak much but my gut I normally ignore and end up kicking myself later for ignoring it! I have absolutely no idea where I am going in life and so this makes looking for a job ten times harder than someone who knows what they want! Okay so if you know what you want to be you’re lucky since the hard bit is achieving it, but if you want it you can definitely do it without giving up. But for those who are not as lucky its a tough search to find the right job. I wouldn’t consider myself less lucky because I don’t believe completely in luck! I believe everything happens for a reason and I also believe that you create your own luck. If you don’t try you won’t get. If you don’t work hard it won’t pay.

Today I went for a second stage interview for a sales job and they offered me the job. Problem is? I’ve never done sales but that is not necessarily a bad thing since it is interesting to try it and learn. What is bad you ask? Not getting paid a base salary but working on commission alone! Okay so I get training which is great but its not enough after a week! Its high time I got a proper stable job. Whats more is on my way home from the interview I was also offered the voluntary position I applied for of which charity expenses are paid for. Its not great but its something at least. I need the experience and I need a foot in the door somewhere! At least it is flexible so I can work part time or find another job!

I want to try this Sales day and I want to see how it goes because frankly I’m intrigued! But I don’t want to sign into a contract that is unsuitable for me. So far opinion has been divided! My best friend says sales, my priest says sales and another friend says sales. On the other hand, my mother, brother and family friend say voluntary job for now. Opinion is clearly divided not just among my family but also in my head. Coming away from the interview I was not as ecstatic as one would be! I need a chance but I don’t know what in!

My brother once said to me long time ago which stuck with me: You can’t live your life walking around waiting for something to hit you in the face! You need to go out there. My brother is an engineer so very scientific and into planning whereas I am the philosopher, vague- abstract- uncertain with no plan to follow! We are both very different people! But he is right I cannot walk around and expect something to hit me in the face hoping that it will be the thing I love!

One lesson I have learnt so well after graduating is that I have learnt literally nothing about the real world! That is why so many people are lost after uni! god knows I was! I am not entirely found either but I have found some footing and I am more aware of things! You can learn so much from the world! Life is not as easy as it looks from uni where you pretty much live in a bubble! Many people told me I should enjoy university while it lasted because I will miss it! But truth is I do not miss it at all. Yes it was stable and it was great but that is a chapter of my life which is over and I do not need to go back or feel the need to stay because I want something new. Working may be difficult but I want to try it. There comes a time where you have to move on and this is the time for me. Maybe I won’t say that in a job but I know now and that is one thing I am certain about! I need new experiences! I need to face the world and I need to try. There is so much to see and do and so much more to life than a bubble! I guess I am a true philosopher in the sense that I cannot stand living in ignorance and instead love discovering and questioning. I cannot be contained but must continually search for truth. University is living in ignorance! It is bliss but once the bubble bursts reality sets in. It is hard but it is the path towards truth. The most important thing is to be positive but to be true to yourself. To keep trying and never give up on your dreams. If you want something go for it and if you don’t have a clue what you want (like me) try and find it rather than crawl in a hole and continue meaningless studying! The only way to discover is to throw yourself in the deep end and swim! I know I can do it! I will do it! I just have to make a decision and it doesn’t matter if it is the right one or not!

Life has different paths and no point thinking of the what ifs! 2013 is about no regrets! Maybe I will gain some enlightenment! I sure hope so!

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