It is a difficult time personally as I have a dissertation to write in philosophy so we all know that is mind boggling. Normally when I have trouble writing an essay I know that last minute pressure will motivate me to write it and thoughts seem to flow. But this long essay is due in one month and one week and I have yet to submit a draft which I planned to have finished over a week ago.Things are not going my way and if I continue on this path I won’t even have a draft to submit except the final piece. That spells disaster! But it is also the case which my friend got herself into. Actually it is the case that many of my friends got themselves into and it is an easy hole to fall into. Not a pleasant one to get out off.
Somehow though I cannot seem to focus nor want to complete this dissertation. It requires so much work and working within a word limit has never been my strongest point. To top it off I am frustrated with the interpretations of others commenting on Nietzsche thoughts! For me I do not agree with what most say and I feel that they digress from the original point. Or maybe it is just not relevant to my question. But then my tutor picked them so it seems that maybe I am missing something. If only I had a magic wand that could do all the hard work for me! So I am here instead trying to divert my attentions and write something other than philosophy. Maybe I might even find some bright ideas to make me focus and overcome my writer’s block! Or maybe a source of inspiration will slap me in the face while I’m not looking. Well that’s what I am hoping for, but blinding walking into the future hoping something will hit me is not the best option. Plus it involves waiting and that’s not something I have patience for.
What started off as an extremely interesting topic has now become a confused muddle of words that don’t seem to link. I should take a day out, but then I really don’t have time! I feel like I am going crazy but I know I must complete this soon so that I can work on my other end of year essays and revise for exams and then come back to working on the dissertation. Everyone says I should relax, but I do in a way go out and relax. I can’t say I sleep very well though. I have so much on my mind, being alone in the night with nothing but silence only makes you wonder and think about what you have to do. Oh and that dreaded race against time. Dangerous thinking indeed.
I can’t wait till all this is over but then there will always be new challenges that will face me. What can you do when you don’t know how to proceed? When your attention is diverted by everything. Even the tiniest things can distract me. Pascal was right we divert our attentions because we cannot deal with the present. I agree we are always bored which is part of our human condition. Boredom is the condition in which the self feels imprisoned in a certain state which it cannot escape from. This allows humans to fall into constant unhappiness due to the lack of fulfillment. Is this true? It certainly seems so, though I have argued with others who present contrary views I cannot say that I believe we reach fulfillment. Why you ask? Because whenever we feel we reach a goal, we feel extremely satisfied, but once conquered we seek to conquer something else. We turn our attentions to something else because how can we focus it on something already fulfilled. Pascal points out that man cannot sit still and be solitary. Well off course that is understandable as we are gregarious creatures. No one likes to be completely alone- at least not for long periods of time. We would go insane! Pascal even says that we fear the truth and thus divert our attentions with our passions etc. such as gambling. Though in modern times we use other means such as films, virtual realities and playing games- anything to divert us from our current state i.e working. At least for me literally anything can distract me.
This is partly what my dissertation is about. Interesting right? I love Pascal and I love this topic but somehow I can’t seem to write about him. Maybe it is the word “Dissertation” or “long essay” that gets me, or maybe it is knowing that I have so much to do that I am “lost in the cosmos” and lost as in where to start. I have to keep trying. I used to wake up with a optimistic mental attitude, but these past few days my optimism has faded and I wake up dreading the day and looking forward to the night so that I can sleep away my worries. I fall asleep late and wake up late. Not a good start, but it is a pattern that has recently developed.
I’ll try and end this on a happy note, though I can’t speak for my mood. I’ll keep preserving and trying, I will not give up- I mean that I will not. I will do my best to overcome this mental block, as hard as it is I need to get this done soon. Time is running out and time is definitely not on my side. But I hope everyone is having a much more productive and happier Easter! I am off to have a feast of good food! At least that will make me happy!